shorterexcerpts:

peachtreekeen:

I am in need of someone who will cook (not microwave) and dangle bacon in front of my starving face while running to the YMCA. The objective is to trick my arse into working out.
Qualifications:
Must be able to run a few miles without going horizontal
Must be able to fend off wild dogs and rodents
Must be able to dodge stray bullets
Must provide own transportation
G-rated picture is required to prove physique

I am serious. The objective is to be alternative school skinny.
Interviews will be conducted on Thursday. Please respond before then. The downtrodden need not apply.

(via Reddit)

Wow.

What’s the pay?